


What Do You Want?

by minolyn



Category: Ylvis
Genre: M/M, Smut, Valle, but only in second chapter, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:43:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minolyn/pseuds/minolyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calle has been naked on stage and on national television, he has pulled pranks on random strangers, done many stupid, embarrassing, crazy things for entertainments’ sake on countless occasions. The one thing he could never get himself to do, no matter how long it’s been, is to tell Vegard he had the most horrible hopeless crush on him.</p><p>Disclaimer: this is pure fiction. Ain't nuthin' romantic going on between Ylvis and Calle... to my knowledge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was prompted to write a smutty Valle based fanfiction a while ago. Somehow it evolved into a two parter. There's only any actual sex in the second chapter, so you can totally just read the first chapter if that ain't yo thang.  
> It's fluffy as fuck.  
> Enjoy!

“Jesus fucking Christ, Calle! Will you knock it off with the stick already??”

Calle has been standing almost back stage, his long stick prop through the ‘window’ behind Vegard’s chair on the IKMY set, poking him between the shoulder blades every few minutes. They were all in their everyday clothes, T-shirts and jeans, since this was just a rehearsal for an episode they would record tomorrow night.  
Since Calle isn’t on set during half of the episode, naturally he had less notes to go over than the brothers, so it had become his habit of late to start bugging them while they were trying to work things out in their script.

It used to be that he divvied his attention rather evenly between the two, but lately it seemed that Calle was particularly focused on doing anything to distract Vegard. Which, let’s face it, was not very hard to do. It was surprising that Bård didn’t get more irritated at this, because it was always so hard to get Vegard to focus on anything for long without getting sidetracked. But Bård would always chuckle and shake his head every single time Calle succeeded in making Vegard jump, or just make him follow him with his eyes instead of looking at his cue cards.

“Why don’t you bug Bård for once? I’ve been reading the same damn sentence for the past 5 minutes!” Vegard grabbed the end of the stick and shoved it in Bård’s direction so hard it almost came out of Calle’s hands. Bård just laughed and Calle maintained his deadpan expression withdrawing the stick and placing it’s thicker end on the floor like a staff. He was staying in character, which means he wasn’t done.  
“I'm just glad you’re getting the Calle treatment and not me!” Bård says between chuckles, “But seriously, so right before the commercial break…” and like that they were back in their cue cards.

Calle stared at the back of Vegard’s head. He was a bold man by many means. He’d been naked on stage and on national television, he has pulled pranks on random strangers, done many stupid, embarrassing, crazy things for entertainments’ sake on countless occasions. The one thing he could never get himself to do, no matter how long it’s been, was to tell Vegard he had the most horrible hopeless crush on him.  It’s been like this since ever. Even back when they were in school together Calle found himself craving the black curly haired boy’s attention. One might even say it was why he started acting crazy to begin with; it was all a means to find new ways to get a smile, a confused look, any reaction out of Vegard.

And he was almost always successful. Both Ylvisåkers were always ready to enjoy Calle’s antics and even though years went by before their paths crossed professionally, once they started working together it was as if they’d never been apart. A genuine friendship had grown strong between them all, but from Vegard he craved more.

But why couldn’t he tell him? Why did he have to resort to the equivalent of a little boy pulling on the pigtails of the girl he likes? As he stood there counting Vegard’s curls for the umpteenth time, Calle could feel his frustration with himself building. He wished Vegard would just know. He wished Vegard would stop telling him to pay attention to Bård instead of him. He wished he fall into his arms and tell him he felt the same way, that he’s _always_ felt the same way…  
Calle picked up the stick angrily and jabbed Vegard between the shoulder blades harder than he intended.

“OW! Fuck, Calle! What’s the matter with you?!” Vegard jerked forward, his back arched from the sudden impact of the stick, and staggered out of his chair and turning a pained and furious glare at the now dumbstruck blond man standing behind the window sill. Bård was the only one laughing. For a few moments their eyes locked on each other, the brown intense and challenging, the blue confused and frightened. Then Calle steeled his expression, threw the long stick defiantly to the floor with a clatter and stormed off into the depths of the studio.

“What the fuck was that about?!” Vegard asked, making circles with his shoulders to try and ease the pain in his back. “Well, it would seem to me…” Bård said, finally calming down from his fit of laughter, “That someone’s trying to get your attention.”  
“What..? My attention? I thought it was you he keeps trying to entertain.” Vegard squinted at his brother.  
“Oh, and that’s why he’s poking ME with long sticks all day and prancing around trying to get ME to look up from MY notes?”  
“…Well, it makes you laugh…” Vegard is running out of arguments.  
“Come on, Vegard, you know he’s always been your friend more than mine.” Bård sounded almost exasperated with his big brother, who just blinked at him dumbly. “Look, do me a favor.. do us ALL a favor, and go talk to the poor man.” 

Vegard stood there puzzled for a few more seconds while Bård turned his attentions back to the notes on his desk. He licked his lips distractedly as he mulled over what his brother had just said to him. He had always thought Calle was trying to get Bård’s attention, since lately more often it was Bård laughing while HE was getting the literal ‘sharp edge of the stick’. Sure, Calle had distracted him from work plenty of times, but hadn’t he also distracted his brother? A fluttering in his stomach appeared when he started considering the truth in Bård’s words. Suddenly all the times Calle seemed to be staring at him with what he assumed was a comedic intense look on his face, looking back on them now, they must have meant something else entirely…

“Listen, Vegard, if you’re not going then there’s a…” Bård began asking him a question, but as soon as he heard his voice it was like a trigger and Vegard hurried off backstage in search of Calle.

It took no time at all to find him. Vegard knew exactly where he would be. He pushed open the fire exit and found Calle leaning on the railing, staring down at the street below, a half smoked cigarette in his hand.

“Hey” Vegard said quietly, letting the door close behind him, “are you ok?”  
“Me? Yeah, I'm fine.” Calle answered, completely matter-of-factly. But he didn’t take his eyes off the city scene.  
Vegard didn’t quite know what else to say. He shoved his hands in his pockets and searched Calle’s profile for any sign of… anything. But Calle just raised the cig to his lips, took a drag, and slowly let the smoke seep out of his nostrils.

“I wish you wouldn’t smoke..” Vegard sighed, looking away finally to the horizon. But his eyes snapped back to the other man as Calle straightened up and walked towards him slowly, fixing him with a determined, humorless stare. He stopped with his face millimeters from his. Vegard pressed his entire body against the wall behind him, and didn’t quite know why his heart was beating faster.   

The cigarette dropped to the floor and at once they were locked in a passionate kiss, Calle’s hands on Vegard’s back and in his hair, Both Vegard’s hands held Calle’s neck. Their lips pressing, their tongues clashing, their teeth grinding. Loud heavy breathes could be heard from both as they desperately tried to merge their faces into one. Calle was on the verge of tears, he couldn’t believe it was finally happening. Up until the very moment he launched himself upon him he was sure Vegard was going to push him away.

Vegard let out a tiny moan when Calle spread his fingers through his hair, grabbing the back of his head to support it as his mouth pressed on him from the other end. Their bodies clung together and Vegard’s legs were spread slightly so that Calle stood between them. The hand that was on Vegard’s back travelled South until reaching his firm behind, squeezing it tightly, making Vegard rise almost to the tips of his toes.

Vegard broke the kiss and gasped for air as if he’d just come up from a deep sea dive. “Calle, I..” He breathed.  
“Please don’t say anything. Just don’t say anything.” Calle implored. Their eyes searched each other deliriously, their noses brushing against each other and their mouths barely touching, only their hot breaths tickling their moist lips.  
“Okay, but I just-“ Calle cut him off with a violent kiss, smashing both Vegard’s head and his own hand into the wall, to which Vegard let out a grunt but Calle couldn’t care less about.

He knew that whatever Vegard had to say would probably end the moment they had right now, and he was terrified that it would never come again. But here Vegard was kissing him back, biting at his bottom lip just as hungrily as he licked the inside of his cheek.

Several minutes passed with them locked in a fiery embrace until the door next to them suddenly burst open and they broke apart in a flash, Calle nearly flipping over the edge of the railing and Vegard flattening himself even more against the wall. Bård stood there with his hand on the door handle and his eyes travelling from one man to the other.

“Right. I'm going to need you guys back on set for a _serious_ rehearsal before we can finally go home. I trust you can behave yourselves, now that everything’s out in the open?”

When neither one of them responded or even looked him in the eye, he just said, “Good. See you inside.” And closed the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning, cavity inducing sweetness in the first half and smutty smut in the second half of this chapter.  
> Enjoy at your own risk!

Jubilation.  
The days that followed were not unlike the cheesiest, corniest teen love story you could think of. And this time it was his own story. Not quite teen anymore but hey, better late than never, right?

It was flirtations galore in the IKMY studio and offices. Calle was still in the business of distracting Vegard as much as he could, only now his methods have changed somewhat. It was a suggestive smile earning a bubbly grin in return, a subtle tickle around the waist sending Vegard into a fit of giggles, or just a moment of locked gazes in which every emotion he couldn’t hope to convey in words was made as clear as day. Whenever they found themselves alone they were on each other like Velcro until something would interrupt. When they were in the company of others, Calle would always find an excuse to stand next to Vegard or touch him lightly in passing.

Bård was getting increasingly impatient with the two of them. It had been one thing when Calle was being funny and he could laugh at Vegard’s pain and irritation, but having to now witness his older brother degenerate into a blushing school girl around Calle was downright unsettling.

“Can’t you two just cut the mating ritual and fuck already??” He blurts out one evening. The three of them were sitting around the conference table in one of the offices, each with his own laptop in front of him, but whilst Bård was trying to get some actual writing done, Calle was fiddling with Vegard’s fingers pretending to tell his fortune by the lines on his palm.

Vegard’s smile dropped like a brick and transformed into a stern glare reserved only for when his little brother was being particularly ill mannered. “Excuse me?”

“Excuse you indeed, Vegard! Sorry if I find the sight of my ‘big’ brother giggling like a little girl, while one my best friends sniffs around him like a horny dog, frankly disgusting.” Bård spat the words at him.  
Vegard’s lips tightened, “I'm so sorry seeing me enjoy myself for once is disgusting to you.” He said quietly through clenched teeth.  
“I didn’t think you, of all people, would have a problem, Bård..” Calle added, his hand clenching Vegard’s more tightly.

“Look, you _know_ I'm fine with you two being an item, or whatever you want to call this thing you’re doing. Fuck, I knew it before you did, Vegard. But please, for the love of all that is holy, stop shoving it in my face like this!”

“Fine!” Vegard stood up sharply, his chair flying backwards. He slammed his laptop shut and carried it with him as he stormed out the conference room. Calle’s eyes followed him on his way out, but he made no attempt to stop him. Once the door slammed back shut he turned back on Bård.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” Bård sneered.  
“Do you have to be so fucking crude?”  
“I'm sorry, it’s just a shock to discover I had an older _sister_ all this time..” Bård remarked, turning back to his laptop.  
“Oh, fuck off, you bitter old fart! Just because you’re a lonely horny bastard doesn’t mean you need to take it out on the rest of us, least of all your own brother.” Calle barely even raised his voice, he was almost conversational, but perhaps that’s what made his words sting. Bård would not take the bait though.

“Calle,” he sighed, “What are you doing?” Calle only blinked at him, so he continued, “I know for a fact you’ve been head over heels for Vegard for years. I’ve watched you chase your own tail all this time, and now you finally have him and you’re _still_ not going for it?? It’s been almost a week!”

Bård tried waiting longer for a reaction but Calle seemed to have none to offer. Finally, Bård shook his head, closing his laptop and gathering his things into the backpack on the chair next to him, “Look, this is the last time I'm interfering because honestly, I don’t give a shit what you guys do. I just want some dignity back, and right now you’re behaving like two goo-goo eyed virgins. He’s not a fucking chick, Calle. He’s a man. Assuming you’re a man yourself, I think you can figure out what men actually want. And hopefully, once that’s out of the way, things can return to normal around here.” He slung the full bag onto his shoulder and took a few paces towards the exit, but paused when Calle finally spoke.

“I just did what I thought he wanted..” Bård turned around, and Calle raised his eyes to meet his gaze, “He said he was enjoying himself.”

Bård shrugged, “Well, yeah, but… How long do you this this sort of fluff lasts? Do _you_ want that to be all there is between you?”  
Calle blinked at him again. “Didn’t think so. Goodnight.” And with that Bård was out the door.

\---

Vegard was pacing back and forth through his apartment, picking up random objects and putting them in random places all over the house, just to be doing something as the thoughts jumbled through his mind.

Who the fuck did Bård think he is? Talking to him like that. Why couldn’t he just be happy for him? Was he only happy when Vegard was suffering in some way? He knew that wasn’t true. And maybe he and Calle had been overly cutesy these days. Vegard supposed that if he had to watch a different couple behave the way they did, he would perhaps get sick of it too. In fact, the more he thought about it from Bård’s point of view, the less appealing the whole situation seemed. He did enjoy Calle’s attentions, very much so, but it never really went anywhere. They haven’t even met outside of work since this whole.. thing, began.  
Was this all Calle was interested in? Was he just toying with him like some sort of pretty office playmate for shits and giggles? They had never really talked about it…

Vegard jumped when he heard the knock on the door. He looked at the clock and then paced over to open it.  
“Hei.” Calle said quietly, standing with his hands in his pockets, bouncing slightly on his toes from the chilly evening.  
“Hei!” Vegard answered, his eyebrows raised at the unexpected visit, “What are you doing here?”  
“Can I come in?”  
“Yes, of course!” Vegard stepped aside and allowed Calle inside the threshold, closing the door behind him.

Calle took two steps into the hallway and then turned around, looking at Vegard’s chest, noticing how his white shirt was tight across his chest, making his breathing very visible.  
“Bård’s an asshole.” Vegard stated, folding his arms across his chest.  
“Mm..”  
“I can’t believe he said those things..”  
“….”  
“Are you okay?” Vegard lowered his head, trying to catch Calle’s eyes, but that made him do was look away from his chest to the doorway to the kitchen.  
“I'm just…” He started, but the same fear that stopped him from revealing his emotions to Vegard all those years gripped his throat even now.  
“You just what?” Vegard pressed, taking a step towards him.  
Calle finally turned his head and fixed on the concerned brown eyes.

“I'm just afraid I'm going to wake up, and discover it’s not real. Or that you’re going to tell me this isn’t what you want… That you’ll turn me away.”  
Vegard’s lips cracked into a smile as he shook his head from side to side. He was slowly coming nearer, and when he was close enough, reached out and gripped Calle gently by the arms.  
“Look at me, Calle.” He said in a surprisingly deep voice Calle kept forgetting he had. The blue eyes scanned the stouter man’s face as it came nearer still. He stopped when their bodies where lightly touching and their lips so close their breaths prickled each other’s skin.  
Then he whispered, barely audible, his eyes half closed, “Does it feel like I'm turning you away..?”

Just like that the fire was back. Calle grabbed Vegard’s head with both hands, holding it in place as he kissed him lips hard, and Vegard wrapped his arms around the slender frame. Vegard mewled as their tongues met, dancing around each other excitedly, sometimes even out in the open as their mouths gaped for air.  
Another minute passed before Vegard finally decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. He reached down and lifted Calle up by his bottom, making him instinctively wrap his thin legs around his waist, and thus started carrying him down the hall towards his own bedroom.

Since he couldn’t really see where he was going through Calle’s relentless kissing, they found themselves slamming into the wall and doorframe once or twice, pausing a moment to grind their pelvises together before Vegard hiked him up more securely on his waist and kept moving.

Finally, they made it to the bedroom and Vegard toppled over onto the double bed, trapping Calle beneath him. Vegard moved his lips down to his neck and starting licking and sucking hungrily at his flesh, whilst Calle slid both his hands under his shirt, caressing the black fuzz underneath. Then his hands slide down into Vegard’s jeans, grabbing his ass and squeezing it aggressively.

Suddenly Vegard comes up for air. Leaning with both hands on the bed sheets beneath them, he strikes Calle with a gaze so full of lust, the likes of which he’s never seen on him before.  
“I think seven days of foreplay is build up enough, don’t you?” He growls. His voice and his words are so sexy can feel himself growing even harder just listening to him. Against his hip he feels evidence that Vegard is already full mast and ready to go.  Calle nods breathlessly and Vegard sets to work on undoing his jeans.

In record speed all their clothes are off and strewn across the room, Calle is lying on his back, his knees up to his chest, and Vegard leaning over him, his full length positioned at his opening.

“Have you done this before?” Vegard suddenly asks, catching him so unawares it takes him a second to get out the answer, “uh.. y-yeah.”  
For a moment Calle isn’t sure how he will react to this information, but a wry smile spreads across Vegard’s face and he barks “Good!” and pushes into him hard.  
All breath escapes Calle at once and his jaw drops into a long, silent cry. Vegard pumps into him at a fast and steady pace, grunting quietly with every thrust. His bottom lip curls into his mouth and he runs his tongue over it as he watches Calle’s expression transform from shock to ecstasy. His toes curl and his fingers tighten an iron grip into the bed sheets, pulses of pleasure shooting through him with every one of Vegard’s powerful thrusts.

“Calle..” Vegard huffed. Calle’s eyes rolled back into his head at the sound of Vegard’s voice. “Calle!” They snapped open again at the urgency in his tone, and looked at the beautiful, sweat glistening face behind a curtain of pitch black curls. “I'm getting close” He grunted, never interrupting his rhythm.

“Don’t stop” was Calle’s weak voiced response, to which Vegard reacted by drilling into him even faster. Calle gripped his own manhood in one of his hands and started jerking furiously in time with Vegard’s pumping.

Within moments they had both gone into loud, animalistic moans, quickly followed by a crashing simultaneous orgasm. Vegard buried himself deep inside him, holding onto Calle’s legs for dear life. Calle had spilled all over his chest and stomach and was milking himself gently, getting the last drops out, his head slowly drooping to one side.

“ahh..” he let out a groan as Vegard pulled out of him at last, still only semi-softened. He dropped onto his back beside the blond man, whose eyes were closed, his hand resting on his stomach.

“I still can’t believe it was me you were interested in all this time and not Bård..” He said quietly after a long silence.

“Vegard, I swear to god, if you say that one more time…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback, if you have any :)


End file.
